i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
