So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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