why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
