he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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