There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
