Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
