Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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