I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
