do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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