it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
