you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
