Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
