You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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