i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
