Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
