I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
