Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
