so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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