Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
