she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
