yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
