You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
