I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
