Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
