He asked to "fluff my boner.."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
