Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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