fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
