so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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