The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
