I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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