Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
