You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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