jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
