I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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