im holly from the hills drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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