i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
