Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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