He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
