Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it because I queefed?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dignity is for republicans.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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