we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
