I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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