I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
