Ambien. No doubt about it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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