I need help removing her.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
