i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
40s are totally the cure
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
