i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
