addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
