Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
