Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
