I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
