I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
