I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
