is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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