Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
