Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
