I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
