your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
